We have been thinking too small about community. For too long, we’ve approached it as a project to be managed, a problem to be solved, or an outcome to be achieved. But now we understand that we must fundamentally shift our perspective – community isn’t something we build, it’s something we become.
When we gather together, we often rush to act, to fix, to transform. Yet we’re learning that the first step must always be creating space for belonging. Before any healing can occur, before any change can take place, people need to feel that they truly belong. This isn’t belonging with conditions or belonging after transformation – it’s belonging exactly as they are, right now, in this moment.
We’re discovering that our traditional metrics of success have led us astray. We’ve been counting attendance, measuring outcomes, tracking progress – but we’ve missed the essential truth that presence itself is the accomplishment. When we gather in community, each person who shows up is already a success story. Their very presence is the achievement we’ve been seeking.
How differently our communities function when we approach them with this understanding! Instead of watching people, we begin to truly see them. Instead of serving people, we begin to cherish them. Instead of trying to fix people, we begin to delight in them. This shift changes everything. We’re learning that cherishing is different from loving in the abstract – it’s love with its sleeves rolled up, love that gets its hands dirty, love that engages fully with the beautiful messiness of human connection.
We’ve discovered something profound about power too. We used to think power was about control, authority, or the ability to make things happen. But now we see that true power lies in loving. When we stop trying to be powerful and start trying to be loving, we paradoxically find the very power we were seeking. Systems don’t change because we force them to – they change when people change, and people change when they’re cherished.
Our laughter together has become sacred. We’re learning that humor isn’t just about entertainment or lightening the mood – it’s a sign that we’re fully present to each other, unencumbered by yesterday’s regrets or tomorrow’s anxieties. When we laugh together, we’re right here, right now, in the living room of the present moment. This present-moment awareness opens us to deeper connections and more authentic relationships.
We’ve been getting it backward when we go to the margins. We thought we were supposed to go make a difference, to help, to serve. But now we understand that we go to the margins not to transform others but to be transformed ourselves. We go not to reach people but to be reached by them. We go not to make a difference but to be made different. This shift from “helping them” to “transforming together” changes everything about how we approach community work.
Our understanding of burnout has evolved too. We used to think people burned out from caring too much, from giving too much, from doing too much. But now we see that burnout comes from making it about ourselves – our impact, our success, our transformation of others. When we shift to mutual transformation, when we allow ourselves to be reached and changed, we tap into an eternally replenishing source of energy and joy.
We’re learning to let go of our delusional responses to life – our rage, our impatience, our resentment, our judgment. We’re discovering that kindness is the only non-delusional response to everything we encounter. This doesn’t mean we become passive or permissive; rather, we become more authentically engaged with reality as it is, not as we wish it would be.
The truth we’re discovering is both simple and revolutionary: everyone is unshakably good, without exception, and we all belong to each other, without exception. When we truly embrace these principles, our communities transform. The artificial barriers we’ve created between helper and helped, between server and served, between transformer and transformed – they all dissolve in the light of this truth.
We’re learning to breathe differently in our communities. Each breath becomes an opportunity to cherish, to delight, to connect. We’re discovering that this isn’t something we do once and for all – it’s a practice we return to with each breath. Cherishing people isn’t hard, but remembering to cherish them is. So we connect it to our breathing, making it as natural and necessary as inhaling and exhaling.
Our communities are evolving beyond the tyranny of success and accomplishment. We’re learning to say to each person: “You are the accomplishment.” Not what you’ve done, not what you’ve achieved, not how you’ve changed – just you, exactly as you are, are the accomplishment we’ve been seeking all along.
We’re discovering that separation is an illusion. The distances we’ve created between us – they’re not real. When we go to the margins, when we cross the boundaries we’ve created, when we allow ourselves to be reached and changed by those we thought we were going to help – we discover that we were never separate in the first place.
Our communities are becoming places of invitation rather than indictment. We’re learning to invite people into joy rather than shame them into change. We’re discovering that the joy isn’t in some future transformation but in the present moment of connection, in the simple act of being together, in the sacred practice of cherishing each other.
This is a journey we’re all on together. We’re learning to hold lightly our previous ways of doing things, to remain open to what’s next, to trust that love knows where it’s going even when we don’t. We’re discovering that community isn’t something we achieve but something we practice, not something we build but something we become.
In the end, we’re all walking each other home to wholeness. None of us are healed until all of us are healed. None of us are whole until all of us are whole. This is the deep truth we’re discovering about community – it’s not about fixing broken people but about creating spaces where we can all remember who we really are. And who we really are, every single one of us, is nobly born, unshakably good, and infinitely worthy of being cherished.
We’re learning that tenderness is not weakness but the only force strong enough to scale the walls of shame and disgrace that so many carry. In our communities, we witness daily how tenderness accomplishes what force and authority never could. When someone walks through our doors carrying the weight of their past, it’s not our programs or services that begin the transformation – it’s the simple, powerful experience of being met with tenderness.
This tenderness manifests in unexpected ways. It’s in the security guard who remembers everyone’s name. It’s in the case manager who listens without judgment. It’s in the community member who shares their lunch. These small acts of tenderness accumulate, creating an environment where healing becomes possible, where people become sturdy enough to face whatever life throws at them without being toppled.
We’re discovering that our communities need to be more like living rooms and less like waiting rooms. In waiting rooms, people are processed. In living rooms, people are welcomed. In waiting rooms, time is measured. In living rooms, time is shared. We’re learning to create spaces that feel more like home than home itself – places where people can exhale, where they can let their guard down, where they can remember who they are beneath all the labels and judgments they’ve accumulated.
Our understanding of time is shifting too. We used to think in terms of programs and completion dates, of quarters and fiscal years. Now we’re learning to think in terms of breaths and moments. One day at a time? That’s too long. We’re learning to live one breath at a time, making each breath an opportunity to cherish, to delight, to connect. This shift in temporal perspective changes everything about how we operate in community.
We’re also learning about the power of story in our communities. Not the stories we tell about others, but the stories they discover about themselves. We watch as people move from seeing themselves as villains to recognizing themselves as the heroes of their own stories. This isn’t about denying the past or minimizing harm – it’s about seeing the fuller truth of each person’s journey, understanding that people don’t seek out destruction but flee from pain.
In our communities, we’re learning to hold space for both laughter and tears, understanding that they often come from the same deep place of connection. The funny bone and the heart bone, we’re discovering, are connected in mysterious ways. Our ability to laugh together creates the trust necessary to cry together, and our willingness to cry together creates the authenticity that leads to genuine laughter.
The longer we walk this path, the more we understand that community is not about maintaining boundaries but about dissolving them. Not the boundaries that keep people safe, but the artificial boundaries that keep people separate. We’re learning that the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety – it’s connection. The opposite of violence isn’t peace – it’s community. The opposite of despair isn’t happiness – it’s belonging.
This is sacred work we’re engaged in, but not because it’s solemn or serious. It’s sacred because it’s real, because it’s where we encounter the divine in each other, because it’s where we remember that loving is our home. And once we know that loving is our home, we’re never homesick again. This is the profound truth we’re discovering in community – that our truest selves are loving selves, and when we operate from that place, we’re finally, fully home.
SUMMARY
Authentic community transformation emerges through creating spaces of belonging where people feel genuinely seen and cherished, rather than merely watched or served. This requires establishing safety and connection before any healing can occur. Such communities thrive on present-moment awareness, often expressed through humor and genuine delight in others’ presence. The focus should be on cherishing people rather than achieving specific outcomes, recognizing that true power lies in loving rather than traditional authority. Success in community building is measured through presence and connection, not metrics. Cherishing represents love fully engaged – an active practice rather than an abstract concept. The foundational principles include recognizing everyone’s unshakable goodness and universal belonging without exception. When engaging with marginalized communities, the goal should be allowing ourselves to be transformed rather than trying to transform others. Burnout occurs when we make community work about ourselves rather than embracing mutual transformation. Joy emerges naturally when we allow love to flow through us. The ultimate aim is creating spaces of relational wholeness where separation is understood as illusion. Communities must remain open to evolution rather than clinging to past methods. Genuine healing occurs through tenderness, not service delivery. True community operates through invitation rather than judgment, making the practice of delighting in others as natural as breathing. Kindness represents the only non-delusional response to life, and authentic community creates conditions for people to discover their truest selves.
KEY POINTS
- True transformation happens through community, not through individual efforts to change others
- Belonging must precede healing in any community
- Creating a safe space where people feel seen and cherished is fundamental
- Humor indicates present-moment awareness and helps build authentic connections
- Communities should focus on cherishing people rather than achieving outcomes
- Power lies in loving, not in traditional forms of authority or control
- Success should be measured by presence and connection, not metrics
- Cherishing is love fully engaged – more active than abstract loving
- Everyone is unshakably good without exception
- We all belong to each other without exception
- Going to margins should be about letting others change us, not us changing them
- Burnout comes from making things about ourselves rather than mutual transformation
- Joy comes from letting love live through us
- The goal is to create spaces of relational wholeness where separation is recognized as illusion
- Communities need to stay open to what’s next rather than clinging to past ways
- Genuine healing happens through tenderness, not through service delivery
- True community invites rather than indicts
- The practice of delighting in others should be as natural as breathing
- Kindness is the only non-delusional response to life
- Authentic community creates conditions for people to discover their truest selves